One-off World Cup qualifiers work like pulling reels at a slot casino, and that comparison held up embarrassingly well on March 26 when all eight European playoff semifinals managed to produce 27 goals between them. Two shootouts on top of that. A 4-3 in Bratislava. Tuesday's four finals should be fascinating to bet on precisely because the semifinals told us nothing about who's the better side.

Gyökeres and the Arsenal Problem

Viktor Gyökeres, who has been having a rough time fitting into whatever Mikel Arteta wants from him at Arsenal, scored a hat trick in Valencia. A hat trick. The first goal came six minutes in off a Benjamin Nygren cross, the second was this absurdly composed finish after goalkeeper Kristoffer Nordfeldt just launched a clearance upfield in the second half, and the penalty at 73 minutes almost felt redundant at that point.

What sticks out, though, beyond the goals themselves, is how different he looks when the national team setup just lets him be the focal point. Alexander Isak and Dejan Kulusevski weren't available, so Graham Potter (still looking for his first win since getting the job before Thursday) essentially pointed the whole attack at Gyökeres and let him eat. And he ate. The Premier League version of this player keeps getting tangled in positional responsibilities and half-space runs that don't suit his instincts, but take all that away and you get a centre-forward putting three past a side coached by Serhiy Rebrov, who went and called him one of the best strikers on the continent in the post-match presser.

The Swedes have Lewandowski's squad in Stockholm on Tuesday, which is a ridiculous matchup for a playoff final.

Bratislava Was Absurd

Path	Semifinal Scores	Final (March 31)
A	Azzurri 2-0, Bosnians win pens (4-2)	Bosnians vs Azzurri (Zenica)
B	Swedes 3-1, Poles 2-1	Swedes vs Poles (Solna)
C	Turks 1-0, Kosovars 4-3	Kosovars vs Turks (Pristina)
D	Danes 4-0, Czechs win pens (4-3)	Czechs vs Danes (Prague)

Bratislava was just weird. 57% possession for the hosts. 20 shots. Hit the post twice. And they still lost. Kosovo—joined FIFA in 2016, remember—didn't care about the numbers. Asllani, Muslija, Hajrizi. Three goals in 25 minutes. Murić was making saves he had no right to make. 33 clearances! Strelec scored late but it was already over. Pure grit over geometry.

Tuesday they play in Pristina for a first-ever World Cup berth, and Franco Foda reckons the 13,000-seat stadium would sell out a hundred thousand if it could. He's coaching a side about to play the biggest match in a country's sporting history against Vincenzo Montella's squad.

Prague and Everything Else

Nobody talks about this enough with penalty shootouts, but winning one might be almost as destabilizing as losing one. The Czechs were down 2-0 at home after Troy Parrott's penalty and a Dara O'Shea header, clawed back through Patrik Schick and Ladislav Krejčí, then needed goalkeeper Matěj Kovář to save two spot kicks before Jan Kliment put away the decider. Incredible, but also exhausting in a way that doesn't show up on a stat sheet. A Danish side that casually put four past their semifinal opponents with Gustav Isaksen getting two is not the team you want to face three days after that kind of swing.

Gattuso's Italy looked… okay? 2-0 over Northern Ireland. Tonali and Kean got the goals, but even Gennaro admitted it felt tighter than it looked. Now they head to Zenica. Bosnia on a Tuesday night after they just scrapped past Wales on pens. That's a trap if I've ever seen one.

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Tuesday

Same kickoff for all four finals. The Azzurri, who haven't been at a World Cup since 2014, are probably the most interesting case because missing a third straight tournament at this point stops being a quirk and starts being a structural problem. Zenica won't be easy.